Annnnd we’re back!

I know it feels like a million years (and we’ve all aged horribly), but it’s actually only been a few weeks since your favorite writer ventured off to Europe, and now I’ve returned!

I’m pretty much as great as this guy.
(Source: Wikimedia Commons)

Last article’s winning poll item was, “How to Meet Single People in New Haven.” Which is great, because I am wildly unqualified to write about that.

But hey, it’s never stopped me before.

Of course, this article is going to look a lot like B2R’s Guide to Making Friends in New Haven, since they’re pretty similar skills. After all, isn’t a lover just a friend you want to make out with and then eventually you’re like oh hey I guess we’re boyfriend/girlfriend or boyfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend/girlfriend or whatever now.

That’s how that works, right?

No? Cool. Well. Whatever, I’m the one writing here, okay, pal?!

Kickball is King

Yep, that’s right. Kickball isn’t just a great way to make new friends and humiliate yourself in front of strangers, but also a great way to meet young, single, mildly athletic people of the opposite (or same?) gender.

Plus, you get to see what everyone looks in the normal t-shirt/shorts in a bright, well-lit environment (the WORLD) while they’re having a kickball smash into their face, so that’s good.

And you also learn if someone is likely to be insanely competitive and scream at strangers. Normally it takes at least four or five dates for that to come up otherwise.

Kickball pitcher
If you concentrate, you can almost hear this guy yelling at the waiter.

All that day drinking and competition definitely works up an appetite for LOVE, so get out there and score one for the Gipper. Oh man, that is a weird metaphor in this context.

Dog Park Paradise

If you have a dog, dog parks are pretty much the best way to meet dudes or ladies. Dogs are basically magnets for attractive people. Heck, I’ve considered getting a dog solely for the purpose of attracting women.

But I don’t cause I’m a cat guy cause dating is almost too easy for me as is, so I need the handicap of being a grown man with a cat.


Also, don’t be one of those guys or girls who just shows up at a dog park creeping on other people’s pets. That’s gross. Don’t be gross.

There’s a dog park over on Union Ave near Wooster Square, a new one near Corsair in East Rock (supposedly), and another on St. Ronan Street, which is doubly nice cause you can stare longingly into rich people’s windows. Is… that not okay?

Dance Your Heart Out

Looking for something different? New Haven has a few random dance events going on. I know New Haven has an active salsa dancing scene. And you know what gets people going? Rhythm.

There’s also the Yale Tango Club, which is apparently open to anybody. So that’s something to consider.

This is a better suggestion for dudes than ladies, cause I think there are way more women at these things, but all the more reason for some guys to show up and cut a rug!

Salsa dancing
Bonus points if you show up wearing this white outfit with no shirt.
Source: Wikimedia Commons

If you can show a lady you can get past your embarrassment and try to learn some dance move? Come on. You’re practically Don Juan.

Art Brings Out the Best

Why not do something a little different, and hit up an art gallery opening? New Haven is an absolutely tremendous place to take in art, as there are countless galleries all over the city and a tremendous art scene.

There’s ArtSpace and Kehler Liddell Gallery and Silk Road Art Gallery and I think there’s some stuff that goes on at Erector Square and probably a bunch of other places, what am I, an artist?

But if you keep an eye out, there’s always tons of events going on, and it’s a great way to meet sophisticated, attractive people such as yourself.

Gallery opening
“So it’s pretty much all vaginas, then?”
Source: Wikimedia Commons

In October, there’s the City-Wide Open Studios, which has a ton of openings and would be a great way to see a bunch of different art in a ton of different environments. You owe it to yourself to check it out.

Embrace Your Professional Side

There’s a bunch of young professionals-type meetups, such as CTYP and Pulse, which cater to young, employed people such as yourself. Oh, are you not employed? Well they don’t check, it’s fine, just lie. Like you do on your resume. It’s easy.

Sure, the events are ostensibly about meeting other professional people for networking, but I promise you at least half of those people are secretly looking to date. I’m not even sure if it’s a secret.

Source: Wikimedia Commons

But sometimes it’s just easier to meet people under the guise of “Let’s network and talk about careers” rather than the super awkward, “Oh you’re single? So am I! We have so much in common.” Ugh.

CTYP has also hosted a few Speed Dating events and I have to say, I have gone on one and it was… somewhat enjoyable, honestly. There’s nothing quite like cramming 6 months of bad dates into 2 hours. It’s very… efficient.

Meet your Swole-mate

Okay, I will say that I generally advise against hitting on people at the gym. Most people want to be left alone. Especially if they have headphones in. So don’t do that.

However, there are more social gyms, like Crossfit, there I think you are probably a bit more encouraged to make friends, cheer each other on, etc. Plus, you know that person shares your values, such as dragging tires across parking lots and eating giant slabs of meat.

“I’m just looking for someone who can carry a large heavy ball 50 yards.”

That’s the kind of shit relationships are built on.

There’s Always the Bar.

There’s a reason so many people hang out in bars, and it’s not strictly a love of alcohol. It’s for that chance meeting with that beautiful/handsome person across the bar who can’t take their eyes off of you. That’s something that really happens, probably, right?

However, not every bar is created equal. Luckily for you, you know me, and I have a drinking problem. So I’ve been to just about every bar. So I know where the cute people hang out.

Looking for Ladies…

In the mood for the female persuasion? Barcelona is a great place to check out. It caters to young, good-looking, well-dressed professional types. Some of whom even know how to dance.

Elm City Social also seems to attract a bevy of young women. They often roam in packs. Presumably there’s some way to talk to them. If you figure it out, let me know.

Geronimo is another great option for meeting women. That tends to skew a little older. Women in their 30’s who have already experienced some disappointment. You know. My type.

Finding the Fellas…

Finding guys is even easier. Just use craft beer and they’ll swarm to you. You can pretty much just leave a double IPA under a giant net and a guy will fall for it every time.

In that vein, Prime 16 and Cask Republic are both good options. You’ll find plenty of guys with beards and great taste in beer there. You’ll also be surrounded by dudes. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, I don’t know.

Barcade is another great option, because the only thing that brings out dudes more than craft beer is Galaga. Bonus points if you actually get good at Galaga. I can already hear the wedding bells ringing.

Barcade New Haven
See? Dudes as far as the eye can see.

Looking for something more alternative… ?

Three Sheets is a great bar for those punk-rock types with cool grandma glasses and leather jackets who listen to bands with names like We All Died in the Arcade Fire or Face Melter or whatever.

Plus, their fried clams are DOPE.

Looking for the permanently impoverished… ?

Are you at Yale graduate student looking to meet other awkward intellectual types who don’t have money? GPSCY is perfect for you. But you already knew that cause it’s literally the only place you can afford to drink.

Hobo kid
Pictured: A Yale Graduate student in five years, probably.

Well there you have it. More terrible advice from me. Well done everyone.

So what should the next article be about?

[socialpoll id=”2456604″]



    1. After, what six months, I just recently found this piece. My sister in law once said to me I should try something like this. I told her flat out “I’m not going to some gay ass poetry reading or pottery class”. I used to be able to go to baseball and hockey games. But thanks to a certain former mayor, I can’t even do that anymore, and now have to go to Bridgeport.

      There is something inherently TOXIC about dating in New Haven. There really is. And if someone says to me “No, no, no, that’s not true, you’re just not trying hard enough…” I say “bull” and “shit”. I don’t know what it is, but something happens to women in this town, and even when they move to this town. They start going to the bars. They see all the hipsters and Strokes look-a-likes, and then they start going into the same act. “I want an attitude. I want a challenge”. And all that about wanting to meet someone who is relatively intelligent, well traveled, etc, goes right out the window.

      And if that weren’t enough, many just resort to something I refer to as “in-dating”. That’s when they just have relationships within their small social circle of friends. I knew three women (they were “women” in the sense that they were female, but not in any sense of maturity level), and they all went out with the same guy, at the same time, and they ALL KNEW ABOUT IT. And they were all fine with it. In any other town other than somewhere like Utah, this would be considered sick and twisted.

      I don’t know if it’s the air, the water, the amount of radiation, but something happens to women in this town. They don’t just tolerate chaos and dysfunction, they CRAVE IT. I expect that out of someone who is maybe 19, 20 or 21, but when you’re pushing 40 that’s just sad. I’ve told more than one of my female friends that if they keep on this track they’re not only going to be single at 45, they’re going to be VERY lonely.

      1. Ummmm, sorry, Sterling, but you’re wading right into Nice Guy territory, complaining that women just don’t understand an intellectual such as yourself. And then shaming people for having consensual, polyamorous relationships. Who cares what people do if they’re cool with it?

        I have not at all found the same dating experience. Maybe the issue is you.

  1. “Ummmm, sorry, Sterling, but you’re wading right into Nice Guy territory, complaining that women just don’t understand an intellectual such as yourself. And then shaming people for having consensual, polyamorous relationships. Who cares what people do if they’re cool with it?”

    If people are into “polyamorous relationships”, then cool what ever. But mark my words, there is something fucked up about women in New Haven, and I’ve even had my female friends tell me the exact same thing. That New Haven is some sort “Never Never Land”, and many become developmentally arrested. I’ve seen women leave husbands because and enter into chaotic relationships (usually involving drugs) that only end in disaster.

    And it’s not about consensual polyamory or what have you. Many WILLINGLY reduce the size of the dating pool. Whether it’s fear of rejection, not willing to stray outside your peer group. What have you. There’s an old saying “in a town this small you don’t lose your girlfriend, you lose your turn”. That’s pretty apt.

    The best decision I made was to say “you what, fuck all y’all, I don’t need this, I’m done”. This isn’t the typical “oh woe is me” tirade, this is a warning. Choose not to heed it at your own peril. New Haven is a toxic environment for dating and for relationships. If you haven’t seen it, mark words. You will. It’s only a matter before you’re on the receiving end of this. And you may have already seen it, but are in denial.

  2. Well today i decided to see if this author is right by going to prime 16 its 9:42 and its empty so far no guy yet at the bar. Oh boy my next stop will be cask republique. For the record, i dont live in new haven i just came to check this city out

    1. Haha well I am sorry, Michelle. Prime during Happy Hour is full of folks, but later in the evening it’s pretty hit or miss. I hope Cask Republic was more to your liking. 🙂

  3. Hey Josh! Any suggestions for updates on the dating scene in New Haven? Have you found any luck yourself yet? Any new wisdom you can impart? Thanks for the help!

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